Storage Wars, season 4 (26 episodes)
release year: 2013
genre: documentary
viewing setting: home streaming 6/1-5/26
synopsis: Various people attend storage unit auctions, bid on them, and then try (or hope) to find good stuff and make money.
impressions: This season features the return of numerous bidders we've seen in the past, but who didn't show up a lot. It also lacks Dave, who was apparently fired from the show at the time. As I've said before, I could never do this for a living - the majority of these people would be better off keeping their money instead of risking it, at least where expensive units are concerned. It's basically gambling, and so it's fun to watch others try their luck. There's always the chance of a quick, big win, but more entertaining are the personalities and interactions of the main bidders. I stand by my previous criticism: these people can't just stand in a unit full of random items and throw out their guesses on what things are worth and claim that the resultant ever-growing dollar figure is actually valid. That's silly.
From now on, I'm just going to note the most interesting (to me) parts of each episode:
episode 1: the unexplained absence of Dave, a $1300 calculator watch from the 1980s
episode 2: the well-dressed appraiser twins show up to bid on lockers, Barry's idiot friend is back, some skydiving, a $4000 astronomy device, an olive press
episode 3: a 100-unit day, Brandon being sick in the car, the return of Mark Balelo and the tank-top twins and Ivy, a 10-unit lot, a 9-year-old expert
episode 4: part two of the big 100-unit day, $3800 for a pair of chairs made out of animal horns and fut, snake-catching gear
episode 5: Darrell's spent some of the money from his big artwork find, everyone's there including Nabila, a trove of jewelry plus a $1000 rug, a $10,000 unit of motorcycle engines, an old dummy, the others poked fun at the missing Dave
episode 6: Barry continues to spaz at auctions (and brings an appraiser with him), a breathalyzer
episode 7: Barry bids himself up for no reason, a couple of them leave to hit another auction elsewhere, a Garbage Pail Kids card collection
episode 8: Barry adopts the food vendor as a helper, Mark loses money on old printers, bonsai tree pruning tools, old cameras
episode 9: an additional new store for Brandi and Jerrod, kilns and molds, Barry helps out the less fortunate, old music box
episode 10: Barry brings his Chinese restaurant owner friend, Brandi tells a dirty joke, home weather station, unit full of furniture, Brandi and Jerrod go on a rampage and buy four units and turn a $14,000 profit, a whole bunch of body-piercing supplies
episode 11: twin brothers Matt and Mark are back, Brandi is on her own this time, beer brewing kit, $6000 samurai helmet
episode 12: a different auctioneer and Barry flirting with her, a complete kit for indoor gardening, stencil machine, $1000 Japanese kaiju figure
episode 13: old mandolin, giant seashell
episode 14: the other auctioneer is back, pole vault equipment, avalanche shield
episode 15: first appearance of Rene and Casey, Brandi and Casey go at it, cobbler equipment, a different auction, $1100 worth of old soda pump equipment
episode 16: the third time with female auctioneer Johan, Barry brings two women to help, a statue, a kilt, Roddy Piper is the expert
episode 17: Johan is back again, Barry brings the praline king
episode 18: Ivy gets a ticket on the way, $1200 antique oil lamp, a big safe, $2000 in yo-yos
episode 19: Barry shows up in a tank, $4000 Oz chess set, portable sauna
episode 20: Brandi and Jarrod's new store is open, Barry brings a butler, $4000 old clock, $2000 beer sign, giant 10x30 unit full of sports and movie memorabilia which turns a $30,000 profit
episode 21: Barry brings his accountant, a collection of bondage items, $1000 worth of wines and accessories, a red urinal shaped like a giant mouth and worth $5000
episode 22: Barry brings a camper, $1500 chakra bowl set, a big safe in the background not being mentioned at all
episode 23: $1000 worth of antique drafting tools, an old Chinese opium scale
episode 24: Barry shows up in disguise, later jumps up and surprises everybody, $1500 shaved ice machine, fan-powered doodah
episode 25: $4000 collection of 1960s superhero buttons, Indian musical instruments, $2500 Rolex waterproofing tester
episode 26: $l700 worth of Mario collectibles, antique Coca-Cola display, Barry brings ten past people to put together the shuffleboard court
quotes:
(episode 15) "I bought this unit to make a point. What that point was, I'm a little fuzzy about." - Barry
(episode 15) "We climb the ladder together, we fall down the ladder together." - Jarrod
(episode 17) "I've never seen Jarrod this stressed. So I'm going to be supportive today. Or at least not unsupportive." - Brandi
(episode 17) "I can't see anything in here. And that intrigues me." - Barry
(episode 18) "I'm too old to learn lessons." - Jarrod
(episode 20) "Man, 10 Gs is big. But you know what's bigger? 11 Gs." - Jarrod
(episode 21) "Well, look at the bright side. I make losing fun, don't I?" - Barry
(episode 23) "He's a chubby chump. You know, a chumpy." - Darrell
(episode 23) "You know things are bleak when Darrell is more eloquent than you are." - Barry
(episode 23) "That's an expensive pile of trash, and the doughboy can have it." - Darrell
(episode 24) "Brandi should know by now...I don't need to need a locker to buy one." - Jarrod
(episode 24) "That old lady looks like she's ready to keel over. And I don't know PCR!" - Darrell
(episode 24) "I didn't know it was Barry, but I knew something!" - Darrell
(episode 25) "I've gotta show karma a kinder, more self-defecating Darrell." - Darrell
(episode 25) "Man, it's hard work making this look so easy." - Jarrod
(episode 26) "I saw things that I thought I'd never see…and I smelled things that I never thought I'd smell." - Barry
(episode 26) "A lot of the stuff in here is newer…just slightly used." - Barry
(episode 26) "Not only do I play air guitar, I also play air piano. I'm completely bi-minstrel." - Darrell
(episode 26) "I must have said this a thousand times, but I have a good feeling about this locker." - Barry
(episode 26) "We'll be back when it's worth a little more." - Jarrod
(episode 26) "Only I would bet against myself...and win." - Barry
acting: n/a as these are real people, but all of them are entertaining in their own way. Barry is my favorite, as he knows he does dumb things sometimes but is always upbeat and humorous. Darrell's colorful malapropisms and overconfidence are entertaining too, as is the strange chemistry and constant bickering of often-clueless Jarrod and sarcastic Brandi. The jury's still out on the newer people (Nabila, Ivy, the under-funded tank top twins.) The new auctioneer, Johan, is a little sassier than Dan and Laura.
final word: While not necessarily 100% real, it's sure entertaining.
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