Dinogator
Layton: "You're sure that it's gone?"
Jake: "I'm not sure of anything."
release year: 2024 (note: this was actually filmed as CobraGator in 2014 and later re-released with this Dinogator name)
genre: giant monster horror
viewing setting: home streaming 5/26/26
synopsis: A variety of small groups serve as the menu for some sort of giant alligator/snake hybrid.
impressions:
This movie wasted no time getting to the point: less than a minute after it started, someone got chomped by the dinogator. Which, by the way, was actually a giant snake with an alligator's head, no limbs, and a habit of gliding along the ground or through the water. And then all these different people come to the swamp, for different reasons, not realizing the danger. Well, they realized it soon enough, let's just say that. A few random elements worth noting: someone cutting their way out of the thing's stomach...the stupidest vanload of kids ever (perhaps not coincidentally, they are also the worst band ever)...the dinogator doesn't always kill everyone it runs into, just some...some "missing hormones" from a "farm" being partially to blame for the thing's existence...but Michael Madsen also being partially to blame, because he did something vague with genetics...his odd, weak son...guitars that apparently work underwater...the dinogator following them to the gas station!...and then chasing them on the road...a train being utilized to stop the monster once and for all...an epilogue revealing the potential for Dinogator 2.
confirmed body count: 20 by dinogator, 1 by gunshot
acting:
As a special treat since you're still reading this, I'm going to go through the cast of characters and tell you what's up:
Nathan - This unassuming swamp guide is our hero; he's good at ignoring idiots, and also turns out to be good at helping people and fighting dinogators.
Layton - Michael Madsen! He's an evil swamp dude who had something to do with the dinogator's creation, seems to feel affection for it, and is generally batshit crazy.
Wyatt - Layton's odd son with an odd haircut and odd tendencies, who at least shows interest in the bikini-clad girls.
Jake - Asylum Films acting staple Paul Logan! He's buff, he's fearless, and for the right price he'll hunt your dinogator (and even witnesses who need to be eliminated)
Darcy - Brunette. The sassy, wild girl from the vanful of idiots.
Izzie - Blonde. The calm, friendly girl from the vanful of idiots. Turns out to be quite a dinogator fighter too.
Aubrey - Redhead. The party girl from the vanful of idiots.
Troy - The mindless surfer-type from the vanful of idiots. This is the first person you start rooting for to fall out of the boat and get eaten by the dinogator.
Dennis - The geeky director/cameraman from the vanful of idiots. He seems to be in charge of whatever music video they're supposedly trying to make. He also tends to mouth off at people much tougher than himself.
the goofy family - They go into a cave and the father starts playing a flute, which is goofy and annoying - but on the plus side, leads to him becoming the very first victim of the dinogator.
the canoe kids - Two teenage couples; both boyfriends die while looking for one of the girls' sunglasses underwater, but for some reason the girls are able to paddle away to safety. One assumes.
the corporate people - An older executive-type and a younger woman, driving around in the swamp; they pick the wrong time and place to stop and get out.
dog lady - Some idiot wandering through the swamp looking for her dog; she finds the dinogator instead.
the dog - Later shown to be alive and well, if a bit confused.
the fisherman - This poor bastard went out to the end of the pier to catch some fish, but ended up catching the dinogator instead.
"Wilbur" - Old passing motorist who picks up the survivors and takes them to a gas station. Fortunately for him, he goes inside before the dinogator shows up.
final word: Good, insane giant monster fun - we thoroughly enjoyed it.
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